Debris

I don't remember the exact day that I decided I was tired of it. I needed a break.

You know, there's pressure in this. I couldn't deal anymore with everyone needing to know what was going on, and then telling me exactly what they thought of it. I was tired of being judged every time I hit "Publish Post".

I had some great readers, some dedicated people. I had some people I considered friends even though I had never met them. It's like having a pen pal that you share with others. It's knowing that all these people were going to be happy for me when I was happy, or be genuinely concerned when I wasn't. And then I wondered...why isn't it enough for me to just be happy, without needing others to be happy for me? And just to be sad and carry on if that's how I feel. The need to share it all went away. Part of it, for me, was that I found someone to share everything with.

If something bothers me, it's not a blog that gets my first thought, my initial reaction. That's not what it's about. He gets the raw me. He gets to see my often times roller coaster type emotions, and he gets to help me sort through them. That's what it's about. He is lucky enough that he gets to hold onto me when I'm upset or gets to see the twinkle in my eye when I'm up to something. He gets my laughter and my tears, and he gets it all first. I wouldn't change that for anything.

I think that I'm realizing that just because he gets it first, doesn't mean that everyone else can't get it at all. I enjoy this, I like having the reactions of people in the sometimes crazy and sometimes mundane life that I narrate. And I completely enjoy reading about your lives.

I just might be back.